.....and every year I hate it that little bit more.
There are lots of reasons I hate Christmas but, surprisingly, religion isn't one of them. If it were still a religious holiday it would be as easy as not going to church on a Sunday morning to avoid.
People change at Christmas and I don’t like that. I’m a miserable git, I know, I’m told often enough. So to be told for four weeks at the end of the year to “cheer up, it’s Christmas” is going to make me do anything but cheer up.
The tacky decorations come out, not just at home but in the office as well. People often go overboard turning their houses into a makeshift grotto. Adults turn into kids with their so many ‘sleeps ‘til Christmas’. Stop saying that...you’re not six!
This is also an excuse to wind down. I know the schools do. Half of November and December is taken up with rehearsing for the school play. What about my kids’ education? Try taking them out of school for a family holiday and you risk getting a fine.
For my kids’ sake, I've tried to change. I put on a mask every Christmas morning and pretend to be all happy but inside, I want the day to be over.
The mess is unreal. I go from child to child picking up the wrapping paper as it hits the floor but I’m fighting a losing battle. This is more practicality than OCD. It’s only a small room that has to fit 4 kids and (usually) 8 sacks of presents. I would like to see the floor occasionally.
Then there’s the battle of getting toys thrown at you from all sides ‘cos they need batteries. Each one more of a priority than the last. At least this gives me an excuse to go to a different room to do the ‘technical’ bits. Getting the toys out of the boxes these days is a challenge in itself. Gone of the days of just using ties, now they’re screwed in!
Kids get greedy at Christmas. Every single advert for toys on the telly and there’s the whisper of ‘I want that’, ‘I want that’. How disappointed must my little kids be when they only get two sacks full of presents. The older ones aren't too bad. They don’t want toys anymore, they want concert tickets or shows in London which brings their own logistical challenges.
And of course, all this needs paying for. In the current economical climate, this won’t be easy. I’m sure I’m still paying off Christmas from years ago.
They don’t just get greedy, they get hyper and over-excitable. And this is before the countless number of selection boxes are handed out. After the sugar rush kicks in, it’s hard to get them down from the ceiling to get them to bed.
The television is awful. Most of the decent stuff is put on hold until January and we’re left with the usual films and programmes dusted off from years gone by just to fill the slots.
You can’t even put the radio on ‘cos the same half dozen songs are played over and over again no matter what station you tune into.
The only saving grace is the multiple versions of “A Christmas Carol” but even this is ruined by the sickly sweet ending. I must remember to start switching this off half way through.
Nah, you can stick Christmas where the sun doesn't shine. Roll on January when the deccies go away and people return to normal.
If I must wish you all a Merry Christmas so be it, but don’t expect me to smile about it.
